because youre smarter than your doctor

i know these have been going on for a while now, but it just never ceases to amaze me how many prescription drug commercials there are. it took the average human thousands of years of evolution, but its official: the average human finally knows more about how the body works and what it needs than doctors, with their 14 years of bullshit schooling.

god, how pretentious those doctors can be. they say things like "take off your clothes" and "pee in this cup," and they just expect you to do it. there is no other profession where you can ask people to strip and piss in a cup, and theyd actually do it. well, maybe gym teacher or phone salesman, but thats a repressed memory for another day. the only thing ill say about it is "wow, the blackberry still works! hey, why are you looking at me like that?"

back to the commercials. in chris rock's words, "and they keep naming symptoms til they find one that you fuckin got, ok." come on. its not a question of if you actually need the meds. its a question of can they play enough games with your head to convince you that you need this. if you ACTUALLY need it, maybe that pretentious ass of a doctor, with over a decade of training, will know you need it. but heres the kicker, you might actually mention the drug to your doctor, and then he might actually give you a prescription! and you wanna know why hell give you a prescription? because the fucking drug companies pay doctors who prescribe their drugs! they have to, otherwise doctors might actually start saying "you fucking retard. you dont need this drug. you have none of those symptoms. the entire time you were in the waiting room you were trying to lick your own elbow. my diagnosis is youre a god damn moron. braindamaged. neurologically passive. you should be institutionalized. get out of my face."

but instead, you get a smile and a piece of paper that says "give this dumbass what he wants. itll shut him up, and probably kill him faster than if he just sucked it up and dealt with his slightly lower urine pressure. daddys gonna get paid!" but this is what happens when health is a commodity. dont you DARE think for one second that you can be healthy without medication. because, hey, everybodys health is fucked, and civilization is next.