walt di$ney world

man, fuck this place. yes, i just got back from...it. is it possible for something to be awesome and horrendously horrible at the same time? i now think so. theres no substitute for the tower of terror. unfortunately, theres also no substitute for its a small world.

but the eye-stabingly, horrendously horrible aspect of disney world isnt the 5 hour ride through 713 dressed-up chucky dolls. its actually its ability to get people to hand over $50 for a $3 piece of crap. piece of crap includes figurines, clothing, food, superficial happiness, and anything else made by hard-working toddlers (deep inside the small world ride).

there are a lot of companies that know how to take your money, but none do it with more flare or anti-semitism than disney world. (fun fact: disney world also hates: minorities, too much, too little, seth green, and anything with the word "amorphous" in it)

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT: Disney World sells an "international coins set" complete with 12 coins from around the world. whats oh so much fucking fun to notice is that this $12.95 set includes the U.S. penny as well as the italian, french, and german 1 euro cent. do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? disney has painstakingly gathered enough effort to collect and package, not only world coins, but world coins of laughably low denominations. also included are a japanese 1 yen coin and a mexican 10 peso (.0076 USD) coin. so, give away 12 cents, get 12 dollars. im not a math teacher or anything, but that looks like a 99x profit. or, for you 4th grade math leaguers out there, 9900% profit.

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT 2: A FUCKING PONCHO. is it raining? is your precious family getting wet? disney doesnt give a fuck. $8 a poncho. cough it up. now, when i say poncho, i dont mean poncho. i mean big ass bag wif holes in it for your head and arms. i dont know how much these cost to produce, but ill guess just a widdle bit. have you ever been in a broken elevator with no way out with a homeless man licking his own balls? thats what it feels like to buy a disney quality poncho for $8.

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT 3: a disney employee tried to sell me a mixture of cat excrement and heroine, saying "hakuna matata mother fucker." after lowering the price to $27.50, i was tempted. i could tell it was fresh, and i was coming down off of my tomorrowland high, and hard. but im proud to say i didnt buy it, and all because i remembered aladdin's famous last words: "hiya mister alligatAAUUGHHHRGGG." that shit is no joke. fuck disney world. its fucked. and civilization is next.