common sense no longer necessary

first, the cold activated bottle. then, the cold activated can. why is coors marketing its beer to people with special needs and down syndrome? what brilliant mind said "well...theyre not drinking our beer. is it because it tastes like cat piss in a bottle (and, later, a can)? oh, i know, maybe they just dont know when to drink it, so its intimidating people from buying it. yeah, i think thats it."

cue a lightbulb above their heads. "LETS SUCK EACH OTHERS COCKS! no..no wait..instead lets put some stupid shit on our bottles that turn color when our beer is cold! you know, like as if were marketing to 4 year olds!"

cue the powerful exec sitting indian style, slapping the ground in roaring laughter as steve and blue search for clues. "bwilliant!"

of course, the real reason coors made a 'cold activated bottle' is because theyre very religious. they vigorously follow the 4th commandment: americans are fucking stupid.
only in america could you make a change that in no way, shape, or form changes your product for the better and boost sales. well, sorry coors, but im about to tell people what temperature beer should be when you drink it. ready?

REAL FUCKING COLD.

there you have it. another mystery unravelled. you must feel scared, alone. but dont worry dumbass, im here for you. youll make it through this. but first, you need to put down the coors and take those pants off your head.

so..wait...if you actually rely on this "cold activated" shit, do you just open the fridge or cooler every 10 minutes, pick up the beer, stare for 15 seconds, drool, put the beer away, and repeat until them mountain critters turns the color o' my pickup truck? HOW DID WE LIVE SO LONG WITHOUT THIS? fuck it. if this is the only thing coors has up its sleeve, then its fucked, and civilization is next.